Thursday, May 20, 2004

Well, I don't know where i was in my list so i am just not doing that right now. i can't figure out how to make links on this silly thing. i am so computer illiterate for someone in my generation. i read other people's blogs and they are talking all this computer lingo and i am clueless.
i have become more attached to my other blog though so i will continue there.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

85. I got my barbies taken away from me when I was eight for making them have sex. We would make fancy panties for them out of ribbons and stuff. I got in big trouble and blamed the girl down the street that I didn't like for it and I didn't have to hang out with her anymore =)

86. I hate it when people care too much about what other "people" think. Like if you are too loud, too pretty, too excited, etc. Life happens and when and where it happens shouldn't matter.

87. When I really like a song I listen to it on repeat over and over and over. It is super annoying to those who must participate.

88. When I am with some of my girlfriends I am the most conceited person on the planet. I swear, if anyone could hear our conversations we would be dubbed the worst people ever.

89. I have never laughed as hard as I laughed in high school.

90. Once in high school, my friends and I were all going to this club and we were all dressed in a fashion that I didn't want my mom to see, and I forgot my wallet. We sent in one of our friends who was dressed the most appropriately. Unfortunately, my mom had turned on the alarm not expecting anyone to come home and decided to pull out the gun from under bed when the alarm went off. WELL, the gun went off too and shot this vase in her bedroom. My mean, snotty, little ass still went out with my friends.

91. I have really long eyelashes and people always ask me if they are fake. I must bat them a lot too because my roommate in college gave me the India name "Blinking Eyes"

92. I am completely codependent on my best friend in Austin...yes, I have two best friends so there is no telling who I am referring to in half of these numbers.

93. I absolutely love having a messy room sometimes. Something about the mess feels very "in control" to me. It is a safe place or something. When my room is clean I feel like I actually have to be productive.

94. I hate it when people won't ask questions. They either take the hard way or remain in ignorance in order to avoid asking a question! How annoying!

95. My nostrils are different sizes and I am very self-conscience about it sometimes. I probably wouldn't be but if you see me from a certain angle you can really tell, and someone (jenna) in high school was like, "oh my gosh what is wrong with your nose!!!) bitch

96. My greatest fear is feeling like I have settled. I don't feel that way now. It is a problem though because I think it keeps me from getting truly attached to some things.

97. Calla lilies are my favorite flowers. They are so elegant and gentle looking.

98. I have road rage issues sometimes...I think I should live closer to my job in the future.

99. I love coffee. My favorite is cafe latte. they remind me of this little coffee house in London where Trisha and I would go get coffee and crepes every morning and flirt with the cute frenchmen when he called us "mademoiselle"

100. God protects me.

Friday, May 07, 2004

80. I went to Auburn University because of an experience I had that made me truly feel like that is where God wanted me. I was stranded and saved. I knew for sure it was the right decision.

81. Most of the time I was in college I hated it. I was a recluse my freshman year. A party, sorority girl my sophomore year and some of my junior year. My senior year all my friends betrayed me and I was alone and then I met a boy that made me happy. I used to think that God sent me to Auburn to meet him. That it was worth all the pain I went through there to be with him. Now he is a different person and I don't even know him. College mostly feels like a waste right now.

82. I lived in a coveted, beautiful farmhouse in college with 10 other girls. We also lived with squirrels, bats, roaches, mice and RATS!

83. My only friends from college are my freshman year roommate and my senior year roommate. I guess it is worth the in between for those two precious people.

84. I am a singer. It is the most fulfilling, wonderful, satisfying, etc....experience for me ever. I miss it all the time. I love hearing the resonance of my voice filling my whole body and the air around me.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

58. I love koala bears. I think they are the cutest, unreachable animals ever!

59. I hate it when people are defensive.

60. When I was in fourth grade I played truth or dare at my friend's birthday party and I ran out to her mailbox naked and they stole my clothes (pretty clever for a bunch of eleven year olds) I didn't have it as bad as the girl who kissed the cat's butthole though

61. I thought it was lame (even at nine) that my class gave me a book on leaves falling off trees when my dad died.

62. I say "like" way too much but when I concentrate on not saying it I freeze and am unable to speak.

62. I have no phonetic skills whatsoever

63. I love touchy people (that aren't creepy people)

64. I have alot of stipulations

65. I am an only child with a really complicated family. I have three half-sisters from my dad's previous marriage and a half brother from my mom's previous marriage. they are all ridiculously older than me and I never lived with them or even spent holidays with them so I am really an only child.

66. I don't like it when boys dye their hair. Basically guys should just look good without looking like they tried to look good.

67. I wish my dad was still alive everyday of my life.

68. I slapped my best friend across the face in fourth grade because she told me I had bad breath. She slapped me back.

69. Also in fourth grade I stole candy from the teacher and got caught in the act...fourth grade was a bad year for me.

70. I always stick up for my friends in really insane ways. Recently I decided it was a great idea to throw a drink in this guys face that spilled (accidentally) on my friend and didn't apologize. Turned out that he was a waiter too. I am rethinking this line of reasoning in myself. Oh yeah, I also slapped this guy in new Orleans recently for grabbing my butt. He wasn't the type of guy that you should slap though and my boyfriend at the time almost got his ass kicked.

71. I think it is funny to piss people off sometimes

72. It stresses me out most in the world when my mom thinks she has lost something. She also does this thing if you open the door in the car that suddenly she thinks that something that is in her purse has FLOWN out of the car and is forever lost. I think I am going to have a heart attack over it one day.

73. My senior superlative was "delightful"

74. I have been described as beautiful, charming, enchanting, dorky, smart, fake, compassionate, discerning, sexy and silly

75. My mom still calls me princess almost everyday

76. When roads are deserted or there aren't many people somewhere and I am alone I immediately think that Jesus came back and I don't get to go to heaven

77. I have had a handful of experiences in my life so far where I have felt the presence of God

78. I will never ever date a guy who goes to the tanning bed

79. I want to travel and live overseas

55. I spent a summer in London and at least 3 Londoner made me cry simply for being an American. I love Europe except for there. I got so homesick at one point that I broke out in "God Bless America" in the tube station. I think that might have been one of the crying incidents.

56. I still call my mother "mommy" and I probably will till the day I die

57. I am horrible at learning foreign languages. It has always been my worst subject. I can't even repeat a word that I am taught thirty minutes later. It is a little pathetic I think.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

45. I always remember my dreams. Mostly they are random collections of events in my life with some dreamlike twists but sometimes they are really real and they haunt me the whole next day. Last night I dreamt I was flying for the first time. Oh, and I have lucid dreams. I can change what I am wearing and who is there. I love it!

46. Having solid plans for my life really stresses me out. I want to always have some element of "what is going to happen next?"

47. Secretly I want someone to find all my writings and poetry and publish them when I die.

48. C.S. Lewis is my favorite writer. He has the perfect blend of logic, mysticism, and craziness that makes you believe anything he writes.

49. My mom still says "the blacks" in a whisper and I can't make her stop. She also refers to Asian people as "slant-eyes" Except of course for all her black and Asian friends. I can't seem to convince her she is a hypocrite.

50. I LOVE to dance. Formal dancing, free dancing, anything! It makes me feel like a woman and a little girl all at the same time

51. It makes me really angry when people tell me to stop singing or I'm singing too loud, anything along these lines. I have to restrain myself from yelling "shut the hell up" in their face.

52. I think I like to drink too much. I don't drink a lot but when I do I fear that the enjoyment is a little over the top

53. I am addicted to Alias

54. I have this fear that I have grown numb to death. Like that I can get over it way to easily now.

Monday, May 03, 2004

23. did I mention I am a picker?

24. the whole idea of giving birth makes me terrified, and amazingly, I have found that all women feel this way. Even women who have had children seem just as terrified of the whole thing. It is this weird feeling of wanting to someday be pregnant but not wanting the baby to actually come out!

25. I always have to say a little prayer as the plane is taking off and when it is landing.

26. I always feel like someone is watching me in my house. Like when I break out in dance in the middle of my room...someone is seeing it! It is this weird thing I have had since I was a little girl. I change the person who is watching me and sometimes it is just a nameless/faceless person. This is so strange to me but such a reality at the same time. I mean I know that no one is watching me I just can't shake the feeling.

27. On that same note, I went through this time in college when I thought that people could read my thoughts. It was really freaky because I would think things about people in class and then I would freak myself out that they knew what I was thinking. I am weird.

28. I am an excellent friend that has never done anything out of jealousy or spite to anyone I love

29. I always buy healthy food at the grocery store and like 2 nonhealthy things and I eat the bad stuff first. I can't stop.

30. I will never date a man who oogles super skinny women. even though it doesn't bother me in that girlfriend way and I am technically waifish it disgusts me for all womankind. Besides this summer when I put on 10lbs and I was still skinny, my faggot boyfriend said I should work out and never said I looked good still. asshole.

31. I have hidden bitterness (as if you couldn't tell)

32. My favorite movie is "Immortal Beloved"
This is my technical answer and I still love it but I am shopping for a new one

33. My least favorite movie is the scariest, most disturbing movie ever: "Beloved" you just can't look at Oprah the same way afterwards

34. I want to marry a handsome, smart, stable, moral, loving, affectionate, respected, funny, silly man with character of his own that doesn't stem from me. (and someone who loves scratching my back and giving massages =)

35. I want to make a more extensive list for the above

36. I believe with all my heart that you can expect love an respect from your partner all the time. That I am not a super-woman and someone is capable of giving what I can give and until I find that person I am happy to be without

37. I love giving compliments. Like real compliments about someone's way or character. I just love it.

38. I think drinking water is crucial to happiness and health

39. anti-depressants are so hard but so necessary for me to take.

40. I think it is funny to make people smell my feet

41. My cat is a person reincarnate. I don't believe in reincarnation except for her. She is so full of life and expression. I love her cuddles.

42. Most people in this world need to chill the hell out. Including myself.

43. I love going out. I want to get dressed up, look pretty and go to fun places and meet new people for the rest of my life!

44. I never put things back where they go immediately. It is totally on purpose too. It is like my rebellion or something. And when people tell me "constructive criticism" and I agree and want to change it I won't because I don't want to change for anyone. How stupid.

One Hundred Things I know for Sure about ME

1. I am a picker...seriously. I have a problem. My best friend even sends me articles about it in the mail (the real mail) That's serious.

2. I am a classic under-achiever/flake about all clubs, committees and classes that are semi-boring

3. I am a Christian but I really suck at it.

4. I cry everytime I go to church. Mostly happy tears. The experience is just too much.

5. People I don't even know talk to me about really personal things like religion, STDs, relationships and all other sorts of confessions

6. I am not judgemental on a one on one bases. I can be a pretty mean people watcher though

7. I get really excited and loud about really stupid things

8. I am a cancer reseacher and I absolutely hate and love telling people that all at the same time because they think I am really smart but then they think I am like too smart and that they can't talk to me or something and then they look at me with this dumb scared look on their face and it is really annoying

9. my dad died of melanoma when I was nine. It was five days after my birthday and I never got to say goodbye. I was playing nintendo at a friends house. I don't like it when people find out and they say things like "oh, I'm sorry" or feel bad for bringing it up. It is part of me and they don't need to apologize. People who don't say that are instantly my friends I've decided. I mean it isn't like I am going to explode or my head is going to spin around or something.

10. my mom is overweight and it makes me angry at her everytime I look at her because she is so much better than to abuse herself so much.

11. I love animals. LOVE them. big dogs that jump on me freak me out though. I really like the zoo.

12. I like being witty back and forth with someone. It is a thrill for me. I can't stand people who think too much before they talk. SPIT IT OUT already

13. I hate my freckles HATE them. I mean one guy when I was in junior high told my friend that he wouldn't "go with me" because I had freckles all over my body. very scarring...I don't know who is meaner though, the guy or my friend for relaying the message. Girls can be such bitches.

14. I am a virgin. This seems to be a very big deal. It just doesn't feel like a big deal though to me. My gyno just asked me how I have managed to remain a virgin because I just must be fighting guys off. What does that even mean?!? "Why yes, gyno man who just asked an inappropriate question, I have guys lined up outside my door to fuck me!" People are crazy. At the last gyno I went to the nurse told me she had a son I could date after she found out I was a virgin. Are you freaking kidding me!!!! It isn't like I can't get laid. I don't want to!

15. So I feel like I should say what I look like: I am 5'8'', 116lbs., long brown hair and green eyes.

16. I have been in love twice.

17. I love traveling with people

18. I love my feet and I feel like everyone else should too because they are just like my daddy's. my mom says that she married my dad because of his cute feet.

19. I watch too much tv and don't read enough books

20. I forget names of people and places but I always remember what they look like and everything else about them

21. I know that girls are very scary and you should always go with your first instinct about someone even if it is wrong because most of the time it is right!

22. I am very strong (not physically). I always come back to my center even if it looks like I am floating in the clouds. I will wake up one day and realize what I really want and go to it.